Learn to feel what your body and your soul tell you, and use your feelings to improve your health rather than destroy it
LEARNING TO FEEL
By Walter Last
Feelings are the builder of the body, the
glue that holds body and soul together. Tender feelings make us open and
vulnerable. In order not to get hurt, we prefer to close up and not to feel.
This has the added advantage of making us stronger in our career, because we do
not need to take our feelings or the feelings of others into consideration.
Each time we suppress a feeling or do not
express it in a suitable way, the generated energy solidifies into muscle
tensions. Eventually, this leads to widespread muscle armoring, a permanent
state of muscle contractions. This closes off the circulation of blood, lymph,
bio-energy and, equally important, the flow of feeling energies.
Once we are in an armored condition, we
simply cannot feel any more even when we want to. This applies especially to
the tender feelings in the heart and all over the body. This is a great loss.
Our conscious control is then out of touch with the body, with its needs, its
wisdom and with the pleasure it could give us.
We are equally out of touch with the
requirements of others, with the forces of nature and with our higher guidance.
Everything is wrong if we are out of touch with ourselves and with everyone and
everything else, and we have to rely exclusively on our ego-controlled mind. In
order to heal our emotions we need a four-fold approach.
1. We need to 'let go' - release the accumulated
negative emotions and associated tension.
2. We need to become aware again how we feel
and express our emotions appropriately.
3. We need to learn feeling good about
ourselves as well as others and generate positive feelings.
4. We need to live in our daily lives what we
have learned in our exercises.
In addition, see also the article on Mind Tools.
LETTING GO
Feelings which we have not expressed and
often not allowed ourselves even to feel have accumulated within us in the form
of repressed emotions. They choke our emotional body in the same way as
accumulated metabolic residues obstruct our physical body. In our relationships
and social interactions we react with emotions mainly to reactivated hurts
within us and only to a lesser degree with true feeling to the actual situation
itself. This causes endless frustration, misunderstandings and disappointments
in our daily lives.
In order to free ourselves of these emotional
obstructions from the past, we need 'emotional cleansing periods' - times and
situations in which we feel safe enough to release and express our suppressed
emotions. This will already partly be achieved and made easier as a result of
bio-energetic exercises, deep muscle massage and other methods to relax our
muscle armoring. In addition, there are several release techniques to induce
emotional catharsis.
Forgiveness
The key and cornerstone of emotional healing
is forgiveness. As long as we cannot unconditionally forgive, ourselves as well
all others, we remain trapped in past negative emotions. This prevents us from
fully loving ourselves as well as all others.
A good way to do this is by writing a list of
everyone that you feel has hurt you in the past or whom you may have hurt.
Recall especially your relationships with each one of your parents, with your
siblings, other relatives and partners. Think of incidents that may have caused
anger, resentment, disappointment, sadness, fear or insecurity.
Then mentally go through each incidence and
feel into yourself to see if there is still any trace of that old hurt feeling
within you. If there is, then go more deeply into it, try to reach the bottom
of it. Examine that hurt feeling from all sides. It may then just evaporate so
that you cannot find it anymore. However, if there is still some or even a lot
remaining, then you just make a mental decision to free yourself of this
ballast. Do some deep breathing, and with each exhalation you imagine blowing
it into a balloon. When you have transferred all the hurt into the balloon,
close it up and let it float off into the blue sky for the universe to take
care of.
Now you imagine being in the presence of the
one that had hurt you and you formally and lovingly forgive this person. A very
important person to forgive in this way is you. Forgive yourself for all the
distress and hurt that you caused other people. If you are not quite ready to
forgive everyone unconditionally, then come back to this step after you have
worked some more on your belief systems and adopted a spiritual philosophy of
life. Basically, you need to realize that you are not doing a favor to others
by forgiving them, but to yourself by freeing yourself from destructive
emotional toxins.
This is not different to cleaning your
biological body of chemical toxins. An alternative possibility is to write a
letter to everyone against whom you still feel a residual resentment and
therefore, are not able to fully forgive. Write down in detail what exactly was
it the other one did and how it affected you. Then formally forgive and express
your love and appreciation. Finally you may either give or mail this letter to
the recipient or you may just burn it and hand it over to the universe.
Overweight
Overweight has become a common problem in
western societies. Because diets do not seem to work, there is an increasing
tendency to try an emotion-based approach. Sometimes this works, frequently it
does not. There is no doubt that there can be contributing emotional factors,
such as abuse or deprivation in early life or food being used as a reward or
just to feel good. However, people in traditional cultures did not seem to have
an overweight problem despite having similar emotional problems.
A main difference between traditional
cultures and western society is our excessive use of sugar or sucrose. As
pointed out in Chapter 5 for Sweet Foods (Fructose and the
Disaccharide Effect), a high insulin level after ingesting sugar leads to
the conversion of sugar into fat rather than energy. The resulting low blood
sugar level quickly makes you feel hungry again. This is the cause of
weight-gain in the majority of women, and no amount of emotional therapy will
fix this, only abstention from sugar.
Direct Release
A simple and efficient way of emotional
cleansing is possible in a secure relationship with an understanding and
co-operating partner. When we feel angry, sad, or in any way upset, we can just
tell our partner that there is something coming up which we want to release and
then let go.
It is often necessary to exaggerate our
expressions in order to get to the old emotions at the bottom of our feelings.
Therefore, when you are angry during an intentional release, show that you are
really angry, throw yourself on the bed or the floor, kick and punch a cushion,
pillow or mattress, wring a towel, scream, shout or cry. Similarly with hatred,
sadness, grief or any kind of frustration, bring it out as forcefully as you
can. Your partner can help to deepen the feeling, telling you to get into it,
to hit harder, cry louder.
Even in more restricted situations with other
people, try to experience and express your immediate feelings in an appropriate
way. When you are angry, say so and possibly hit with the fist on the table,
when you have tender feelings, acknowledge them with a loving smile and, if
appropriate, with a loving touch.
Re-enactment
In many instances, however, an understanding
partner is not available for immediate release or the situation is
inappropriate. Then it is best to re-enact a recent hurtful or otherwise
frustrating experience as long as it is still fresh in the memory and the
feelings are easily aroused.
Do this at a convenient time in the privacy
of your bedroom or even in a car parked with closed windows beside a busy
highway. Recall the details of the scene and especially your feelings. Bring
out these feelings as much as you are able to. Suddenly, a similar situation
from the past may pop into your mind, when you felt hurt in the same way yet
did not react to it. Then relive and exaggerate the memories of this past
experience in order to get to the old emotion behind your present feeling.
Learn to do this quite habitually. Whenever
you encounter an emotional situation to which you cannot react in an
appropriate way because of inhibitions or conventions, then re-enact it and
respond in an exaggerated form. This does not only apply to anger and hurts,
but also to gratitude and tender feelings that you were unable to express at
the time.
Overcoming Fear
Our disease provides us with a great
opportunity to learn not only how to care for our body, but also how to heal
our mind and emotions and to become truly spiritual. Some of the inner causes
of diseases are long-standing resentments, habitual worries, carrying inner
hurt or grief, guilt, repressed sexuality and a lack of inner joy and
spontaneity. All of these are expressions of fear in its many and varied forms
which we need to overcome by developing unselfish love.
One of the most basic forms of fear to
overcome is the fear of dying. This can best be done by seeing yourself as an
immortal soul, which temporarily inhabits and operates a biological body in
order to gain certain experiences. Numerous near-death experiences show that
death or shedding the biological form is generally a liberating and pleasant event
for the soul, and you may even have similar experiences during meditation.
Another aspect is a fear of pain and
dependence on others and especially in an impersonal and technological hospital
setting. However, by using a holistic program you remain in charge. There is
hardly any pain, and even if you are too old or start holistic therapy too
late, you can expect to spend your last days in a dignified way. Instead of
trying to cling to the body or being drugged semi-conscious, this should become
the spiritual high-point of your life, as you prepare in prayer and meditation
for the liberation of your soul.
After the shock revelation that you have a
serious disease you must gradually progress to hope, belief and faith - faith
in your spiritual guidance and that all will be well. You just do your best and
the rest is in God's hands: 'whatever will be will be', there is nothing to be
afraid about. This inner transformation can be achieved with the indicated mind
tools. Preferably develop a daily routine, which you start with prayer,
affirmations, relaxation and followed by guided imagery and meditation.
BECOMING AWARE
In order to learn acting appropriately, we
first need to become aware of our feelings and emotions when they do arise. An
easy way is to start with simple body sensations before getting deeper into
feeling our emotions.
Experiencing Body Sensations
As another step towards becoming fully
feeling beings, we try to increase our awareness of body sensations. Whenever a
sensation arises naturally, be it warmth, cold, tingling, hunger, thirst, the
tastes during chewing or any other body sensation focus your attention on it.
Soon the sensation will intensify and gradually you will learn to pick up even
faint sensations that you normally would not have felt.
Unpleasant sensations will usually recede
after a while and may disappear completely. This is especially the case with
hunger or pain. In order not to feel hungry during a fast, tell your body
beforehand that you are going to cleanse to make it feel better and that it
will get food afterwards. Then ask for its fullest cooperation. If you forgot
to do it beforehand, you can still start explaining when you feel hungry.
Usually the craving for food disappears after this. It is similar with pain. By
focusing your attention on it, the pain can tell its message, the reason why it
is there and then it can withdraw helped by the muscle relaxation induced by
your attention.
One of our most frequent sensations,
important as well as pleasant, is our food taste. Use the excellent opportunity
provided at each meal to savor the flavors that develop while placidly chewing.
This not only increases our awareness, but greatly helps our digestion as well.
For healing a specific problem also imagine that powerful nutrients in that food
are now on its way to the problem area to improve it.
At other times try to feel the various parts
of your body as you are moving, standing, sitting or lying-down. Gradually, you
begin to sense which muscles are tight and which ones relaxed, warmth may develop
wherever you focus your attention, yet you can also feel a refreshing coolness
if you concentrate on it. An easy way to do this is by mentally transferring
the warmth of the breath felt during exhalation or its coolness during
inhalation to another part of the body.
Slightly move an arm, a leg or your head and
experience how each move feels. Focus on the beating of your heart, feel the
pulse at the sides of the neck. Put a hand on the chest to feel the movements
caused by the heartbeat and the breathing activity. Shake your whole body or
only one part and feel the energy flow when you stop. Lightly touch various
objects, your own skin and that of others, tree bark, a stone, glass and feel
the differences.
Slowly move your lightly cupped hands closely
together but without touching, then move them apart. Repeat for a minute or two
moving them slowly towards each other and away again. Can you feel a resistance
developing when the hands are brought closer together, something like an air
cushion? Do the same exercise after shaking your arms and hands for a minute.
Move the tips of your outstretched fingers close to those of another person.
Try with the same hands and also with opposite hands. Can you feel an energy, a
tingling?
Spontaneous Feelings
Focus your attention on any
emotional feelings or moods that may arise from time to time. When you are
angry, do not just remain angry in your head. Scan your body if you can feel it
there. It may be in the form of an energy rushing upward from the lower
centers. Is it activating your arm muscles like wanting to hit or your leg
muscles like wanting to kick? Intensify any body feeling you that you have. Hit
the table or a wall with the padded side of the fist, kick a cushion or into
the air. How does it feel now?
If you are frustrated, where do
you feel it, apart from your head? The same with all other emotional feelings -
fear, anxiety, worry, jealousy, hatred, longing, compassion, love, devotion.
With tender feelings focus your attention on the heart. Do you feel a stirring
there, something moving?
When you succeed to feel an
emotion in the body, try to stay with it and to intensify the sensation, even
if it is anger or another negative emotion. At the same time, try to express
whatever you feel in a suitable way. Certain muscles may want to move on their
own accord; intensify the movement.
If you feel fine, try to sense
that feeling of wellbeing all over the body. If you are dissatisfied, unhappy
or discontented for no specific reason, relax and focus your attention on
feeling dissatisfied, unhappy or discontented. Feel it in the body, where is
its center and what does it want to tell you?
Some of our strongest feelings
develop during sexual intercourse. Go right into these feelings. Try to
spread them out from the sex organs into the whole pelvic area and all through
the body. Radiate them out onto your partner. Do not let yourself be distracted
by any fantasies, stay with the feelings. If, as a male, you want to delay
ejaculation, move the center of the orgasmic feelings into your heart and
concentrate your attention there.
SENTIC EXERCISES
Manfred Clynes (SENTICS, Anchor
Press/Doubleday) developed a set of 'sentic exercises'. Clynes found that the
same emotion in people all over the world produces the same kind of muscle
response. He used the pressure of a finger on a measuring device to record the
intensity and direction of the pressure generated by each emotion.
Even more important for us: this process can
be reversed, a certain finger pressure tends to generate its associated
emotional feeling. At the same time, this feeling is expressed through the
pressure in a way that is satisfying for the body. You may press with one or
more fingers or even with the whole hand against the surface on which the
fingers or hand rest.
Negative feelings are best generated and
expressed with the fingers pointing straight down to produce a kind of stabbing
muscle response. Positive feelings, on the other hand, are more effectively
produced if the lightly cupped hand rests on the surface and the pressure is
mainly expressed with the fingertips. Even both hands may be used
simultaneously.
To conduct these exercises, keep the
executing arm in a relaxed position. If you sit on a chair, the jabbing
pressure may be produced on the seat of a second chair or even on your thigh.
For the whole hand to rest on a surface, you may use a table, your thigh, your
other arm or your chest. Eyes may be open or closed.
Pressure Characteristics
The pressure patterns of the seven key emotions are as follows:
ANGER - A jabbing movement away
from the body, like hitting out. The duration is much less than a second and is
accompanied by a sharp exhalation and a corresponding sound. The gaze is
slightly downward.
HATE - The pressure is stronger than in anger, but develops more and is
somewhat longer sustained, it ends abruptly as in anger. The direction is away
from the body. The action occurs during exhalation.
GRIEF - This may be expressed with the cupped
hand. The finger pressure is straight down and increases slowly for half a
second. Then follows a period of passive weakness and immobility during which
the pressure gradually eases. The head may be tilted forward and to the right
(for right-handers). Breathing is slow and shallow, pausing after the
exhalation. The whole action lasts 3 - 5 seconds.
LOVE - Pressure is gently towards the body,
increasing and relaxing very slowly in a deep, smooth movement. Exhale slowly
with a sensual sound. The head remains level.
SEX - Push down and slightly away from the
body, release quite quickly but finish with a gentle pressure towards the body.
Breathing is rapid, panting-like puffs during exhalation; the head is slightly
down. The action is longer than for hate but shorter than for love.
JOY - A quick moderate pressure straight
down, immediately followed by an upward bounce with less finger pressure on the
surface than before the action, resulting in a floating feeling until the
pressure gradually increases again to normal. It is like jumping for joy and
floating down. The action is best performed during inhalation, head and gaze
slightly raised.
REVERENCE - Very gently increasing pressure
nearly vertical or slightly away from the body. Very slow return to normal
pressure in a smooth movement without any body tensions. Breathing is extremely
slow with pause after inhalation. Head and gaze slightly up.
Sentic Cycles
In order to increase our ability to feel and
express our emotions, it is recommended to practice the described sentic
exercises for about 30 minutes daily. This will help to release the emotional
tension that has accumulated during a lifetime and enables us to respond in an
appropriately feeling way to present and future emotional challenges.
Preferably start with a non-emotional
expression. While relaxed repeatedly press straight down in a mechanical way
like hitting a typewriter key. Then express each one of the listed emotions
approximately 30 times. The emotion tends to build up gradually for several
minutes and then reach a plateau before easing off again. Follow exactly the
order as listed, starting with anger and finishing with reverence.
The emotional build-up is strongest, if there
is a certain time interval between individual actions. This interval is
different for each emotion. For anger it is 4.8 seconds, for hate 5.3, grief
8.2, love 7.4, sex 4.9, joy 5.2 and reverence 9.8 seconds. There may be timing
tapes commercially available, otherwise you may initially experiment with the
timing and develop a feeling for it.
Later on, when you feel that you are free of
the desire to express negative emotions or that you do not derive any more
benefits from it, you may just continue with those exercises that you like to
experience. Sentic exercises may be combined with other feeling exercises. Such
exercises can show you that it is not necessary to be a victim of unpleasant
feelings. We do not need to wait for positive outside influences to produce
pleasant feelings within us. Instead, with continued practice you can choose
how you want to feel at any given moment, how you want to respond emotionally
in any situation.
COMING ALIVE
When we are conscious only in the head
without being permeated with feelings, it is almost as if the body is not
really alive. It is then more like a machine, a mechanical device
operated by the brain. Because this has been the lifelong condition of most of
us, we do not really know what we are missing until the body gradually awakens,
vibrating with life-giving feelings and not just with pain.
We can even grow further, learning to choose
our feelings, not just during an exercise, but during our daily activities. In
order to feel good, to feel love or joy, we do not need to wait for the rare
occasions when others or circumstances temporarily ignite such uplifting
feelings within us. We are not our feelings and emotions, instead these are
just energies that we can learn to use and enjoy according to our needs and
preferences.
The various exercises described in the
following can gradually be extended in a way that the generated feelings more
and more become habits in our daily lives instead of just isolated instances of
feeling good at specific times.
If you do not already feel alive and
vibrating before starting a feeling exercise, it is helpful to energize the
body for a few minutes with deep breathing and following shaking, especially of
the arms and head. The use of mirrors, music and dancing are three valuable
tools to further enhance our feeling capacity.
Mirror
Sit or stand in front of a big mirror and
smile at yourself. Look lovingly into your eyes and talk to your mirror image
in a soft voice. You may say something endearing, such as: "I see love
shining out of your eyes, it comes from your heart, your heart is filled with
love, it shines out of your eyes."
Repeat it over and over again, slowly, with
all the feeling that you are able to express. Pause, and just smile at
yourself; smile with your eyes, a gentle, loving smile. While continuing with
the mirror exercise, you may also use sentic hand pressure to increase the
feeling in your heart center. Also try how it feels to make passes with your
hands around your head and body, slowly moving downwards with palms facing the
body.
Instead of addressing the mirror image as
another person, as your Inner Self, you may also use 'my' instead of 'your'
during your endearments. Just experiment to see what feels best.
When you have the opportunity, practice eye
contact and smiling at each other with a partner or friend. Take turns lovingly
praising each other.
Music
Music is excellent for inducing feelings. For
heart feelings, use soft music with an uplifting, melting quality. This may
accompany any of the other feeling exercises. You may also use it during
heart-feeling meditations while being quiet or during repetitive activities. At
other times select stirring or uplifting music according to the feeling that
you want to amplify.
Jazz may be useful for raising the energies,
especially in the morning and during shaking exercises. Some blues are also
good for inducing tender feelings. Rock music, on the other hand, is usually
weakening to all muscle systems and should be avoided. This applies also to any
music that conveys chaos and disharmony instead of harmony.
There is now a wide range of New Age music
available. Most of it is designed simply for relaxation with the inclusion of
sounds of waves and running brooks. Some is also suitable to generate an
atmosphere of reverence and general emotional uplifting. In most instances,
however, it provides just a pleasant, unobtrusive background for meditation and
feeling exercises. It would be excellent if a series of tapes could be obtained
for inducing various defined states of feeling.
Dance
Dancing is a moving expression
of our feelings. We may even dance without music if we want to express a
feeling. However, in order to generate feelings, it is preferable to dance to
suitable music. You do not need to move your legs when dancing; you may dance
with your head and body, but mainly with your arms, even while sitting. Most
expressive are the hands.
Dance vigorously to lively rhythms in the
morning to stimulate the energy flow. In the evening, as a prelude to
meditation, dance softly to uplifting melodies. Dance often, simply to feel and
express the joy of being alive. Try to express the various feelings through
dancing, such as anger, sadness, compassion, joy, love, ecstasy, and so forth.
For further information see Mind Tools and Healing
Social Relationships.